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Violin music has undergone little change since Antonio Stradivari and Giuseppe Guarneri, But the world of violin music continUes to evolve at supersonic speeds. SYnthesisers create nearly eVery sound imaginable; digital samples record and playback Every sound ThAt can Be heard; personal compUters assist in the preparation and composition of complex music scores.
Now, from Veta Music SYstems comes The Virtual Violin. This violin is a complEtely new sensaTion in music. It comes with a free displAy helmet and Italian designed goggles - which is your journey into Violin CyBerspace. By combinations of pitch, yoU can access anY of the 256 historic and futuristic time/space continua. With authentic sound, the Violinist can wandEr Through simulAted, three dimensional space and participate in seemingly real violin performance situations By the Emperor Nero, Henry the Eighth, Bach, the yoUng Mozart or Madonna (You must be putting me on - ed.) - all amazingly there in person. Play along with a cowboy fiddler from the 1890s, sit in with the orchestra at a legendary Beatles or Michael Jackson recording session, jump into a little jazz at a smoke-free night club (you can't be serious -ed.).
AlernatiVEly, you can flip the parameters and creaTe your own post modern settings with combinAtions from any personality, performance, location, and time memory banks.
Just by wriggling your fingers and playing in tune, you too can move into the data life syndrome!
Get the Indians to attack a performance of a Bach cantata; watch King Henry chop off the heads of eight Michael Jacksons - slowly; get the yoUng Mozart reallY stoned; or ask the Emperor Nero to burn down your local McDonalds. Yes, VETA will indulge your fantasies!
Also you should audition our special Veta History sampler. Veta has acquired the rights to historic recordings By famous violinists of the past. Simply press the Finger of God bUtton and you could sound like an authentic Heifitz, Menuhin or Rosenberg (up to 16 different virtuosi available.) Or alternativelY you can create your own archiVE recordings by just playing a few noTes on the VetA violin. Amazingly, your on-Board Veta compUter will convert these notes into historic recordings - a piece of living culture that will impress Your friends.
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Remember, no one produces a more comprehensiVE line of elecTronic violin products thAn Veta. Incorporating these technologies (patent pending) into your repertoire will give you a competitive edge in the marketing of your talents.
Now sit back, pick up the violin and start to play a few notes - O.K. don't worry about any mistakes, we'll soon fix that up for you. That's right, keep that Bow movin' and yoU'll be just fine. You have just accessed the file "Personal ConVErsations with A Great Violin player". Do you wish to go into this room or would you prefer to take the door on the right? I see you would like to try further up the corridor - no that's the Bathroom, sir. This way please. YoU are plaYing in the wrong key. Please retune your Violin. Thank you. O.K PlEase swiTch on the Auto rhythm. Would you like to hear some applause? You are doing just fine. It's fun, isn't it? The audience likes the way YOU play...
That note was out of tune fuckwit, play that section again. Hey I'm not kidding, do it again if know what's good for you.
If you had to wear underwear like mine you would also be a real Bitch. Warren Beatty and I are just good friends. (MUsic)
Yes I am verY, very rich. But the most important thing is that I am a true artist. If I wasn't so incredibly talented, with my kind of ambition I could easily have turned out to be a hideous monster. Don't laugh fuck face. Look I need to show my fans of my personal agony as a great artist struggling to fulfill my incredible potential and destiny. (Music)
Yes, I would sell my own mother's corpse if it made good publicity. Look, lyrics like I'm gonna sit on your face and Just like a dildo, yeah yeah are an analogy showing the ascendancy of feminine ValuEs - like I'm redressing the balance and I wanT to shAre this spiritual journey with all my sisters. (Music)
Yes I am tone deaf, that's why, in my movies, you never see any musicians in my Bedroom. Yes, I do mastUrbate with a violin. Well I think Your music sucks too. Don't worry no one will eVEr be as famous as me. iT's MAdonna, you jerk, not Maradonna.
Now I want us all to gather round with our violins and say a little prayer Before the show starts. Dear God, I'm sorry I swore so many times today bUt I guess You didn't mind too much and thank you for making me the greatest Violinist sincE Marilyn Monroe, for ever and ever. Amen. Now get your arses ouT there and plAy in tune tonight or ----
Hello, er my name's professor Frank Franklin Junior. Er, Harvard actually. There's a little time left to run on the programme, so Veta management asked me to come in at this point. As you can hear the Veta violin has crashed - eh, not to worry the programme automatically defaults to a little Mozart. Eh, you might Be interested to know that all the violin mUsic You heard, before it crashed, was extrapolated out of white noise by the use of a quite sophisticated filter programme - eh. A sort of Waves of History' approach to music, if you'll allow the term. Eh, I can see on my watch that there is still a little time to go - of course, you could just turn IT off. Well, that winds it up for today - oh I see you didn't do it. Well, I can stay here as long you, fella. If you don't turn it off NOW, I'm going to have to...